My mother-in-law is trying to help but it feels as if she is undermining me all the time. How will I ever feel confident as a mum?
This is not an uncommon scenario and never easy to deal with. It requires a calm, tactful discussion if at all possible. But be careful so relationships are not damaged. You are the parent and it is not wrong to discuss your preferences and routines for your baby. Could your husband have a quiet word on your behalf?
This is your baby and you will choose to do things in your own way. Discuss how things were for them as a baby, make it light hearted and try and include the rationale for your care – such as reducing the risk of cot death by lacing baby’s to sleep on there back. Times do change. Your confidence will develop as you become more familiar with your baby. It is a huge learning curve becoming a parent.
Grandparents have an important role to play in bringing up our children. It can be more difficult with in-laws than your our own parents, as we often have a better relationship with our own parents, so we feel more comfortable with their involvement and are more likely to be able to comment when we feel uncomfortable. But sometimes the support can be seen as interference and advice can become unwanted, leaving the grandparent feeling rejected and helpless, and parents feeling judged.
The Good Granny Guide: Or How to Be a Modern Grandmother is a popular book, which I have seen ‘given’ by the baby as a gift. The Good Granny Guide is a guide for grandparents. It contains practical advice, from recipes and play plus more 'political' issues, such as how not to tread on the daughter-in-law's toes.
http://www.grandparents-association.org.uk/ may be an interesting website for them to explore.