The way forward through grief - part 2

Questions and decisions
You may have many unanswered questions such as:

• Why has this happened?
• Why me?
• Why now?
• Why this baby?
• Will it happen again?

It is right that you should want answers to these questions. If your baby carried a genetic or chromosomal abnormality then you will probably be advised to see a genetic counsellor who will explain things fully.

Most hospitals also provide a post natal appointment with a Consultant Obstetrician for families who have suffered some kind of trauma or loss during pregnancy. Here you can review the pregnancy, look at test results and decide on the best way forward. Sometimes there are no clear answers. Then, the best you can do is to reach a stage where you can understand as much as possible and accept the outcome. This is a very significant move forwards in the healing process.

This is not a good time to make major decisions concerning career, home, marriage or family. Put off decisions about future pregnancies until you have allowed yourself time to grieve. Physically your body will be back to normal in a couple of months but emotional healing takes much longer. You are generally advised to wait at least 6 months before another pregnancy. It may be helpful to wait longer in order to avoid mixing the anniversary of the lost baby with the pregnancy of the new baby. This way, two very separate identities will be established. However, this is a very personal decision and only you will know when the time feels right to go ahead with another pregnancy.